About spiritual bypassing & its sneaky faces in the wellness industry.
So. Since COVID has come around as a regular visitor, the coaches, teachers & spiritual guides of the world has become extra loud. I get it. There's a lot of money in other people's pain. There's a lot of money in coming with a solution that seems to be THE hack to the human experience & all its hardships.
However. A solution like this doesn't exist (do we even want it to?). They might tell you it does but it doesn't. And it certainly doesn't exist for everyone all the time. It's often something about getting early up in the morning. Something about meditation. Keeping a gratitude journal. Hire a coach. And then quitting your job to finally start your own business. It often goes like that. And they make it sound like this IS available. EVEN for you.
Even NOW. Well this blog-post is for you that haven't been able to *just* make this happen for you yet. Please know. There's time. *deep breath*
The problem is. We might have all of these good intentions to get out of our own way. I mean, who tf really WANTS to feel like shit if they could decide themselves, right? But this work is not for everyone. It just isn't. And it certainly isn't for everyone in the year of 2020. There's so much privilege involved in this kind of thinking. In this behavior.
In the wellness industry we (also myself!) has a tendency to think that people can just start doing these practices of journaling, Yoga, coaching, running, whatever it is. We think that if they don't do it yet it's just because they're just not ready. They will come around we say. Because we know that we cannot force people - even though we see the pattern and we've seen it before. We want them to have breakthrough and bla bla bla. BUT. There's a lot of people who are not manifesting the shit our of their dreams because they are simply not ABLE to. It's not an option in their lives. Yet. Hopefully.
It's often misunderstood that the human who lives in a home of domestic violence can *just* get out. *Just* leave. In the same way with the addict that can *just* stop using. Or the deeply anxious person can *just* start thinking more positive & change their story. Just like that. If this is how things have worked for you in your life, I am happy for you. What a resilient person you must be. I just wish for you to stay open to the fact that not everyone can do this. Just like that.
This is not because self-care needs to look fancy or be expensive. This is because people's mental health history is SO different from person to person and we actually need a healthy mind in order to be able to care for ourselves & others. So it's not really about whether we're with or without all the proclaimed self-care tools in the world. It's about whether we are able to even think the thought - and mean it -
"I want to take better care of myself".
Thinking that everyone can just take better care of themselves *just like that* is naïve. It's spiritual bypassing. It's a lack of acknowledgement. It's a lack of empathy. It's a lack of compassion. Especially this year where we've been challenged in all the ways imaginable.
How we're doing in general comes down to four things: 1) Health. Mental and physical. 2) Relationships. Professional and private. 3) Job.
4) Financial situation.
And because the year of 2020 has been so hard on
every single one of these components, this is just not the year to assume that everyone can easily take
better care. Do better self-care. We think that people can easily be empathetic and compassionate towards themselves. We maybe even suggest them to #loveyourself. BUT how can we love ourselves when we don't know ourselves? How can we love ourselves when we don't trust ourselves? How can we *just* do cheaper selfcare-practices like positive-thinking, lighting a candle, taking a shower or calling a friend when sometimes *surprise* we don't fucking care for ourselves because our mental health doesn't even allow us to dream that way?
So. No. It doesn't just work like that.
We don't just start loving or caring deeply about others from day one. Why should it be like that with ourselves? First we get to know them. We get to know their story. Then we might start trusting them. We trust that their words are true and that they're here for
the right reasons. Then love might come around. But not everyone has been able to stay blissed and blessed this year to do this work. It might've been too much. No, you don't necessarily need to be able to invest in a coach, journal everyday or perform as a human being to do this work but you do need *some* kind of energetic capacity available. Especially if the work and the situation is new to you - which let's be honest - it has been for many of us this year.
All of us are obviously able to feel love. Able to feel compassion. But not all of us are able to do this all the time. In situations that are so scary and so unfamiliar. To think that way, is spiritual bypassing. And like that it's the least compassionate act we could actually be doing.
Therefore. This is a prayer to those of you who think that everyone can manifest their way out of everything. I'm sure you mean it well and you know what? Maybe we can. But not all of us and not always. So whether you're working in the wellness-industry or not please take extra good care of your fellow humans this year. There's so much time and they're for sure doing their very best under these circumstances. I believe in you. In us.